I hears this quote in a Mandy Moore song tonight (yes I still love her. Get over it!) and I had this huge epiphany, that's exactly how I feel right now.
Everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing since Travis left. I say the same thing every time, "I'm fine. We've done this before. It's no big deal." And sometimes I actually believe myself. Sometimes.
Truth? Well the truth is it sucks. A lot.
And what's even worse is that I try to play it off like I'm ok without him because it's easier than saying the truth.
Truth? I miss my best friend, my partner, love, and honestly, my world.
Why is it so hard for me to just say, "He's my world. I love him so much I can hardly breathe at night when the weight if him not being here all day hits me like a Mack truck. He's my rock and the only person I want to tell everything. He makes me the most mad but the most happy. There's no one like him. I love him."?
Is it because I'm afraid? Yep. I'm terrified that I look weak. I promised myself I would never let a guy get to me like this because what if it didn't work out? What if he isn't perfect for me? What if I get my heart broken?
To be honest I still worry about this. I'm confident in our relationship but I still have my off days. But the truth is, I'd rather be miles apart and together than not together at all.
This holiday season is going to be especially hard on me because I'm feeling lonely. Trav is gone bit also I'm an adult, on my own, no longer a student going home for Christmas break. And unfortunately I'm afraid of being alone.
The things that keep me going?
The love and support of my family and friends, my dog and the hope that Travis and I will be together soon. Until then I'm just going to take it one day at a time, being fine but not ok.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment