breaking up is hard to do

yes, yes, y'all are getting two posts today.

try not to squeal like little piggies with excitement.

this is going to be a little bit of a rant. mostly because i'm super stressed. i mean, it's self induced and a bit ridiculous. so of course, writing it all down will help me to see that, right?

Source: greensubmarinediydesign.blogspot.com via Ashley on Pinterest

serious statement right there. 

like, "we shoulda broke up two months ago. terrible, abusive relationship" break up. thanks stress. 

sources of stress: 

(in no particular order) 

 wedding planning 

AOII 

work 

T finding a new job 

are we going or staying 

weight watchers 

friends/family 

life 

ahhhhh, was that enough information? 

probably not. i've been told i'm a vague person when it comes to my social media outlets. i know, i know. i put something out there but don't give you all of it and then you secretly hate me because you want to know. 

truth is, most of the time i want to put it all out there. i want to jot it down for all to see, so i'm not alone in my worry. really, so i'm not alone in my fear. unfortunately i can't put everything out there for obvious issues like security or hurting others feelings, etc. 

but here's what i can put out there... 

planning a wedding is hard stuff people. i wish someone had told me that a very long time ago. if i have a daughter, it's the first thing i'm telling her out of the womb. you want things to be perfect. you want to save money but you know things are expensive. you want to make everyone happy. people tell you it's your day but when you say that you're a bridezilla. (btw, bridezilla is an official word since spell check did not underline it. you learn something new every day.) you can't have everything you want. learn that early on in life and it'll help a little when you're planning a wedding. your fiance will not care about anything. or is that just mine? god love him, he's so sweet and tries to help but i can tell he's just trying to pick the one i like the best anyway. i guess all you can do is hope for the best. because really, as long as we're married at the end of the day, that's all that matters. 

i love being an advisor but sometimes, i think my heart and my head are against each other. i haven't been out of the sorority that long (4 years almost) but things are so different. i want to be best friends with some and loathe others but that's just not your place as an advisor. i want to point them in the right direction without smacking them in the face and telling them they're making all the wrong decisions. my heart is so full of love and pride for kappa omega that it's sometimes hard to tell whether i'm helping or hurting. it's hard to understand unless you've been there through the rough times and seen how amazing they are now. because of me. because of the pledge classes before them. we've all put in so much hard work to see them succeed and they're doing a great job, i just don't want them to get burnt out or make a rash decision. i want to tell them that the four years they have there are some of the best years they'll have. it's where you'll make your forever friends. it's how i met my future husband. where my brother worked for two years and i got to see so much of because of that. it's where i watched all ten seasons of friends 3 or 4 times. it's where i drank too much. partied too hard. and made all kinds of bad decisions. but it's where i learned the most about people, the most about myself and the most about life. i wouldn't be who i am today without it. i guess it's hard to understand until you're away from it all. you don't know what you had till it's gone. 

i love my job. some days are harder than others but i love it. and now i might have to leave it? say what.  

T was laid off in january and is now looking for work in louisville. it's hard to be excited because i love my job and advising at the sorority here in lexington. BUT, we've been wanting a change for so long now and it seems like it's finally happening. funny how life does that to ya. 

are we going to lousiville? are we staying in lexington? 

 can we say plateau? i'll leave it at that for right now. 

i always worry about my friends and family. always. can't help it. if i love you, i worry about you. that should make motherhood the scariest most awesome part of my life! 

see how life can be super awesome and super crazy? super stressful and super fun? super rewarding and super up in the air? 

i'm ready for the dust to settle and to see where we land but i think this battle is just getting started.