i was going to blog about my craft to do list but something told me i needed to get something off my chest instead.
you see, i've been thinking a lot about what if's. what if this happened. what if that happened.
i know it's silly to think about stuff like that. but it happens. and sometimes the best way to get over it, is to just get it all out there.
so here's my what if issue at the moment.
do you ever wonder why certain people come in to your life and then are gone just as quickly?
what if we had stayed in touch after high school. after college? what if we hadn't said such hurtful words to each other? what if i had apologized sooner? what if you had understood where i was coming from? what if we had been less selfish? what if boys hadn't gotten in the way? what if we had celebrated each other's differences instead of disrespecting them? what if we had tried harder? what if we had told the truth? what if we could go back and change things?
i know asking these questions is pointless. you can't change the past. and most of me is very ok with that. i wouldn't be who i am and where i am today if things had gone differently. i'm so very appreciative of what i have in life and who i'm spending it with.
and some things happen that you just cannot control. death. divorce. illness. and those things change your life as well and make you wonder a whole different list of what ifs.
i just can't help but wonder sometimes what if. (i think that might be a woman thing!)
would we still be best friends, the four of us? would we live closer together? would we have attended each other's weddings? would our kids be best friends? would we have stayed in touch? would we know more about each other now than then? would we talk every day, tell each other everything? would you attend more family functions? would i babysit your kids? would we sit and chat about blogs? would we shop together? would we vacation together? would we go to our high school or college reunion together?
it's weird, at the moment in time when things are changing, you don't really see or think about the what ifs that might creep up later in life. and i consider myself lucky because i don't think much about them now a days. but every once in a while i just have to wonder. i let myself for a day or less (never more!). and then as quickly as the what ifs come, they leave. and i thank God for everything and everyone i have.
i'm so lucky and blessed every day that it's silly to wonder what if. because what's now is perfect!
I often wonder why and what if too.
ReplyDeletejennie
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